Crush Liberalism

Liberalism: Why think when you can “feel”?

Taliban big cheese killed in infidel air strike

Fourteen Tallywhackers…er, Taliban…died from Oedipus Complex issues and American missiles.  But mostly American missiles.  From a fellow infidel:

A Taliban spokesman says the house of Taliban leader Maulvi Ubaidullah was targeted in a suspected US missile strike; at least 14 dead.

Villager Ibrahim Khan said local Taliban leaders had gathered for a feast at the targeted house, and at least 15 people were killed. 

My muckrakers “invesitgative in-the-field journalists” from the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) were able to make up out of whole cloth transcribe the final festive moments before Ubaid-bom-ba-ba-bom-a-dang-a-dang-dang-a-ding-a-dong-ding-doo-Blue-Moon was dispatched to greet his 72 grapes:

Ubaidallah:  Ibrahim, pass the goat.

Ibrahim:  Here you go.

Ubaidallah: No, not the live goat!  The one on the silver platter at the end of the table!

Ibrahim:  Sorry, man.  I thought you were ready to satisfy your loins.  I thought it odd to do that at the dinner table, but hey…different strokes for different folks.

Ubaidallah:  Anywho, never mind that.  I propose a toast!  To Ahmed, who risked capture by the infidel forces so he could do Allah’s work and blow up that girl’s school across the canyon.  Salut!

Ahmed:  You’re too kind, my friends.  Fortunately, I was able to wash off the blood from those seven-year-olds before the feast tonight.  I got my monthly bath out of the way, too, so there’s that.

Ubaidallah:  Excellent! You always were the clever…(pauses)  Did you guys hear something?

Ahmed:  It may have been my stomach.  I ate a bit too much couscous for lunch, and my gut’s been rumbling ever since.  But worry not, for I still have room for the goat and falafel on the plate in front of…

Ubaidallah:  Shhhhhhh!  I’m serious, brethren!  Don’t you hear something?

Yasser:  OK, fine, I farted!  Geez, you have impeccable hearing.

Ubaidallah:  No, that’s not it! (pauses, looks out the window)  Hey, why are all of the villagers running into their huts?

Mahmoud:  Isn’t “American Infidel” on TV right now?  Man, that Sanjaya sure can belt out…

Ubaidallah:  No, that’s not it!  I could have sworn I heard a…(pauses)  Aw, sh…KABOOM!

At this point, the transcript ends, but I think CLOWNS did a wonderful job bringing the final moments for Ubeedoobie and his pals to you. 

May 15, 2008 - Posted by | Afghanistan, CLOWNS, religion of peace


  1. Jonathan, you crack me up!

    P.S. I just love it when a big fat American missile lands on the turban of a terrorist! Chalk another one up for the good guys!

    Comment by Kanaka Girl | May 15, 2008

  2. That was just TOO good, there’s nothing more pithy I could possibly add.

    Thank you for plastering a huge smile on my face this morning.

    Comment by Reverse_Vampyr | May 15, 2008

  3. My pleasure, ladies and germs!

    Comment by crushliberalism | May 15, 2008

  4. Very funny! Not far from the truth!

    Comment by dtodeen | May 15, 2008

  5. Excellent, J. The only thing missing was a couple of “piss be upon hims.”

    Comment by Submariner | May 15, 2008

  6. CLOWNS scores another hit!

    Comment by tnjack | May 16, 2008

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