Crush Liberalism

Liberalism: Why think when you can “feel”?

Coming in January…Crush Liberalism Radio!

The Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) proudly brings to you, the fine folks who frequent this blog, the CLOWNS Radio Network.

Coming in January, 2010.  Details forthcoming.

I’ve been plaguing your eyes for five years, so why not warp your ears, too?  😀

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December 17, 2009 Posted by | CLOWNS | 4 Comments

Taliban big cheese killed in infidel air strike

Fourteen Tallywhackers…er, Taliban…died from Oedipus Complex issues and American missiles.  But mostly American missiles.  From a fellow infidel:

A Taliban spokesman says the house of Taliban leader Maulvi Ubaidullah was targeted in a suspected US missile strike; at least 14 dead.

Villager Ibrahim Khan said local Taliban leaders had gathered for a feast at the targeted house, and at least 15 people were killed. 

My muckrakers “invesitgative in-the-field journalists” from the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (CLOWNS) were able to make up out of whole cloth transcribe the final festive moments before Ubaid-bom-ba-ba-bom-a-dang-a-dang-dang-a-ding-a-dong-ding-doo-Blue-Moon was dispatched to greet his 72 grapes:

Ubaidallah:  Ibrahim, pass the goat.

Ibrahim:  Here you go.

Ubaidallah: No, not the live goat!  The one on the silver platter at the end of the table!

Ibrahim:  Sorry, man.  I thought you were ready to satisfy your loins.  I thought it odd to do that at the dinner table, but hey…different strokes for different folks.

Ubaidallah:  Anywho, never mind that.  I propose a toast!  To Ahmed, who risked capture by the infidel forces so he could do Allah’s work and blow up that girl’s school across the canyon.  Salut!

Ahmed:  You’re too kind, my friends.  Fortunately, I was able to wash off the blood from those seven-year-olds before the feast tonight.  I got my monthly bath out of the way, too, so there’s that.

Ubaidallah:  Excellent! You always were the clever…(pauses)  Did you guys hear something?

Ahmed:  It may have been my stomach.  I ate a bit too much couscous for lunch, and my gut’s been rumbling ever since.  But worry not, for I still have room for the goat and falafel on the plate in front of…

Ubaidallah:  Shhhhhhh!  I’m serious, brethren!  Don’t you hear something?

Yasser:  OK, fine, I farted!  Geez, you have impeccable hearing.

Ubaidallah:  No, that’s not it! (pauses, looks out the window)  Hey, why are all of the villagers running into their huts?

Mahmoud:  Isn’t “American Infidel” on TV right now?  Man, that Sanjaya sure can belt out…

Ubaidallah:  No, that’s not it!  I could have sworn I heard a…(pauses)  Aw, sh…KABOOM!

At this point, the transcript ends, but I think CLOWNS did a wonderful job bringing the final moments for Ubeedoobie and his pals to you. 

May 15, 2008 Posted by | Afghanistan, CLOWNS, religion of peace | 6 Comments

Non-political (and just plain surreal) post of the day

Via Hot Air:

Somewhere Christopher Hitchens pours himself another scotch and chortles sinisterly. Taste the cold steel of Sister Domenica’s blade:

TWO PEOPLE were injured and another two were arrested after scuffles broke out between two rival factions of nuns residing in an Old Calendarist convent in Avdellero late last night.

Nuns and priests from both sides confronted each other after unrest broke out at around 10pm.

The church was covered with blood as nuns and priests from both sides attacked each other using sharp objects…

It has been reported that the convent is segregated, with Archimandrite Sevastianos’ followers occupying certain buildings and the resident nuns staying in others. At nightfall, Sevastianos and his nuns barricade themselves inside the chapel, as a precaution, with friends and relatives of the two groups taking turns at patrolling the premises.

Fortunately, one of our voyeurs “investigative journalists” (we’ll call him “Louie”) from the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (aka CLOWNS) was on vacation in Cyprus and claimed to have transcribed the following conversation:

Sister Mary-Katherine: Yo, yo, yo…this is our turf, Sevastianos Crips!

Sister Ruth Hosanna: Don’t think so, bee-yotch! Get to steppin’, or my peeps will get medieval on your…

Sister Delilah: That’s it, Ruthdawg! I’m poppin’ a cap in your…uh…well, we don’t have guns here, so I’ll use this letter opener instead. ‘You down with G-O-D? Yeah, you know me!’

Sister Sheneequa: Oh no, you dih-unt! It’s on, Mutha Penguin!

Sister Delilah: Who you callin’ a ‘penguin’, you nappy headed…

At this point, the violence and bloodshed began, so Louie bolted for his safety. And of course, I believe Louie’s version of events, especially since he said the transcribed document was cleared by Dan Rather…so you just know it’s authentic!

All over the world, CLOWNS getting the news to you… 🙂

June 21, 2007 Posted by | bizarre, CLOWNS, humor, non-political | Leave a comment

Eisner proves CLOWNS definition of liberalism

Leftard media moron Michael Eisner, formerly of ABC/Disney, agrees with us here at the Crush Liberalism Objective World News Service (aka CLOWNS): Liberalism is a “feeling, not thinking” ideology. Eisner’s admission:

“I’ve always wanted to do position through story on the ridiculousness of having guns and automatic weapons in our society. And it’s been very much obviously in the news, sadly, sadly. But when you’re in a public company and you’re in Washington — I was just saying “Don’t fight the NRA” — or you’re in a big company where your major constituencies are middle Americans, and where you don’t own the company, you’re working for your shareholders, you’ve got to be very careful. And we pushed through same-sex health insurance, some very advanced things… But we never could do the kind of material that I can now do because nobody can tell me I can’t do it. So I think the solution is to get the public, in an emotional, story-driven way, behind the goal of an abolition of handguns and automatic weapons.

Yeah, that whole “appealing to logic and reason” thingy is sooooooooo yesterday. The MSM and CLOWNS just seem to go together, don’t they?

April 18, 2007 Posted by | CLOWNS, gun rights, media bias | 1 Comment